Monthly Archives: November 2001

High School Memories


High School memories
you’re dangerous cause your honest
you’re dangerous, you don’t know what you want
you left my heart empty as a vacant lot for any spirit to haunt
you’re an accident waiting to happen
you’re a piece of glass left on the beach
you tell me things I know you’re not supposed to
then you leave me just out of reach

I remember the day this album came out. U2, Achtung Baby. I remember because I had just made a new friend, and she bought the CD the day it came out. We were making a movie for a grade 12 English project; her house was right across from the school, so we used it as a set. There were about 10 of us, one camera. We couldn’t all make the movie. So most of us just hung around. I didn’t know anything about U2 when this album came out. But my new friend (I can’t remember her name, but I remember her face, and her hair…she had red hair) was so excited about it, so I pretended I understood. But I really did like the album eventually…I listened to it sometimes on the way to the library, or walking around on the canal in Ottawa when I was at Carleton. Why don’t have listen to this anymore? I just downloaded a couple of songs off it because something somewhere reminded me of the song ‘One’, reminding me of how much I like that song. Ah, the memories…

The one I just transcribed of course is ‘Who’s gonna ride your wild horses’, a song I totally didn’t understand in high school, but I completely get now.



Most of us like to think we are consistent, intact and solid wholes. We’re comfortable seeing ourselves as either simple or complex, but not as being in conflict with ourselves. Perhaps that makes us like the world around us full of uncertainty, confusion, and conflict in a society where certainty, decisiveness, and resolution are valued terms and anything less is perceived as weakness.

from NetAuthor’s E2K



My adviser and the assistant chair of the history department stopped in to ask me if I was needing a little extra cash. I asked him what he had in mind. (You never know with these assistant chairs, after all.) Turns out he wants someone to work on the department pages…he wants a series of information about a dozen or so different classes to go online. All text, he says. Apparently someone somewhere is working on a template for these, and that almost made me cringe, since you know there’s nothing I like better than making a template for a webpage. But he wanted to know if I could do it, and aside from the fact that I’m not sure how the department server works, and how I would ftp stuff to them, I jumped at the chance. I think that’s outrageously great. I can html any ole thing you like. 🙂 So, my little dalliance with the world of the web pays off all over the place…

God, I feel great today. I mean, I can’t even explain it. I just do. I work up feeling great, and I think I went to bed at close to 4am. But I woke up at 8am absolutely overflowing with joy. And then I let myself sleep in a bit, figuring I’d need to after all that, but I would wake up every fifteen minutes feeling like I’d just had another wonderful night’s sleep.

I did manage to steal a coat from home while I was in Guelph this weekend; a blue LL Bean coat that my sister probably picked up at Value Village. (Do you mind, Melissa?) It’s really nice, and I’m liking it more as I wear it around. I also picked up a pink scarf to go with it. Thank God, because no doubt it will get colder shortly…

Ah, what a love in…it’s been a crazy busy couple of weeks, and I’m still busy, but now I’m joyous and busy.

The Faithful


Remember to put out the garbage, pick up the dry cleaning, defrost the pork chops (the ground beef, the chicken thighs, the fillet of sole). Remember to feed the dog (the cat, the hamster, the goldfish, the canary). Remember the first smile, the first step, the first crush, the first kiss. Remember the bright morning, the long hot afternoon, the quiet evening, the soft bed, gentle rain in the night. Also remember the pain, the disappointments, the humiliations, the broken hearts, and an eclectic assortments of other sorrows. Take these tragedies in stride and with dignity. Do not tear your hair out. Forgive and forget and get on with it. The faithful look back fondly.

They are only passingly familiar with shame, guilt, torment, chaos, existentialism, and metaphysics. The consciences of the faithful are clear. They are not the ones spending millions of dollars on self-help books and exercise videos. They know they’ve done the best they could. If and when the faithful make mistakes, they know how to forgive themselves without requiring years of expensive therapy in the process.

In the summer, remember the winter; snow sparkling in clear sunlight, children in puffy snowsuits building snowmen and sucking icicles. Remember hockey rinks, rosy cheeks, Christmas carols, wool socks, and hot chocolate with marshmellows. In the winter, remember the summer: tidy green grass beneath big blue sky, long-limbed children playing hide-and-go-seek and running through sprinklers. Remember barbecues, sailboats, flowers, strawberries, and pink lemonade. The faithful can always find something to look forward to. The faithful never confuse the future with the past.

Diane Shoemperlen, Forms of Devotion

Oh Dear


For the record:

1) Catsy finds holes in achieve for a living. A minor living, but a living. The fact that she is so good at this has helped us to make Achieve stronger, better, and safer. I personally have lots of important stuff on Achieve, and a malicious hack would be disasterous for me.

2) Catsy has long been capable of hacking my wiz bit. One day, while trying to work out some of these ins and outs, I told her to hack my char and she did it in 15 seconds. But not one second before I asked her to. She won’t try anything without explicit permission, and I feel absolutely sure about this point.

3) She did NOT hack someone else’s MOO. She hacked ours. First she tried to get my wiz char to churn out a wiz bit for her, and then she tried it on Rhonna. Both of us were online at the time, and both of us gave our permission. The hack worked. Catsy’s first act as a wiz was to unset her own wizbit.

4) We realize this hack program compromises ALL the encore MOOs. that’s why we gave a heads up, and that’s why we’re working on patching it. It’s not the only hole, those all of them are fairly complex. Catsy will no doubt find them, and as this happens, we will continue to give heads up about them. And we’re commited to helping to fix them all.

5) I’m utterly saddened that Catspaw is being painted as a cracker, when in reality she is going to help all of us create better MOOs. MOOs do best when lots of eyes are looking at them and lots of hands writing code. The EnCore group is an interesting and dynamic bunch. We can continue to be so. I hope we do.

Let’s Talk about Online Communities


It all starts with a girl who tried to kill herself on her webcam. This particular page is NOT flattering to the poor girl, and I don’t particularly agree with the ‘reviewer’. But his collection of comments is interesting.

She writes:i’ve been in love twice. both times i’ve been told at the end that i was not enough.
this is it. i’m not going to do it again. i’m in a world where people aren’t even kind to each other. i think it’s just time to check out. i’m not worth loving even when i try with all my might to be someone else. even when i say, “i would give you anything. i love you so much.”
This is the point when she decides to give the suicide thing a shot. Which I think we can all understand. What’s different, of course, is that she decides to do this while her webcam is running. What results:

This is familiar territory to most of us, I’d say, if not something we’ve experienced ourselves, something we’ve considered, or something we’ve watched others experience or consider. The only difference here is that we get to see pictures, we, strangers, get to watch. Now, where things start to get interesting is in the comments. Here’s a few:

If anyone knows Stacy’s mailing address or how to get ahold of Glenn, please call 911 or Glenn. Stacy has taken pills and is lying on her bathroom floor!!

I called the Brooklyn Police Department a few minutes ago. I don’t have her address, but I gave them her phone number.

oh my stacy! You dont want to do this. I know you are going through one hell of a time right now.. but NOBODY is worth taking your life for.
I just said a prayer for you.
Please hang on

She did make it to a hospital, and when she came out, she was a lot more lucid. Her take:this is not interesting. trust me. not only is it not interesting, it’s over, finished, kaput. never again will i drink activated charcoal and have it pumped out of my stomach via my nostrils. not for love, money, sex, sex toys, cats (okay, maybe cats), ex-husbands, current husbands (if i were living on a planet where THAT might ever happen again) or even for skinny beautiful sexy geeky boyfriends no matter how much i love them or obsess over them or whatever you want to call it. nope, nope, nope. nope. not gonna happen. so this is it: this is as close to the news-of-the-week as you’re gonna get from me. now let’s talk about flower arranging or something.

The fact that this is all documented online is what’s so cool. A process that used to be so private is now so public. This is very much the same and the precise opposite of Kaycee Nicole.

Piece of History


I’m looking at a page of a Huron-French dictonary, evidence that the French, unlike the Spanish, tried to get to know the people they were trying to convert. Marie de l’Incarnation tried to learn it (I think it was Huron) but she said it was like stones rattling around in her brain.